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Features

Fosters TV: Solving Life’s Little Problems

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

The Fosters TV adverts have reinvented the agony aunt or rather, agony uncle. Now, rather than some middle-aged minor celebrity writing in the inner pages of a tabloid newspaper, we have Brad and Dan, two laid-back Australian blokes waiting for your good call.

Just as in every good detective show, these two unconventional agony uncles come as a pair and work as a team. In this case, however, rather than being backed up by a spare gun in a holster around their ankles, they have a near endless supply of Fosters and an idyllic location as their support.

These two Aussie blokes on the Fosters TV ad are here to solve all the little problems that us British lads might face. Their mission is simple: to answer those urgent, awkward questions that keep us up at night.

Brad and Dan certainly live the life. They've based themselves in a ramshackle but picturesque Fosters hut a on a beach somewhere in Australia. With clear turquoise waters and perfect golden sand, their backyard really is an Australian paradise.

With a barbeque constantly on the go, surfboards piled up outside and even a satellite TV dish, the guys from the Fosters beer advert have everything that you could possibly want. Oh, and not forgetting that they're surrounded by beautiful sunbathing women? They do have to earn their keep, though, by answering calls from those of us stuck in rainy Britain.

There's not a laptop or smartphone in sight; in fact, all the guys have is an old phone and some speakers which they use to answer every good call that comes in. Far away from the cares and worries of life in the distant city, they are perfectly placed to answer the problems of the British male. So, whatever your worry, don't fret: the guys are on the case.

So, what's the order of the day for Brad and Dan? The first problem comes from Craig from Leicester. The first thing that has to be decided is Craig's Australian name. Everyone knows that there is no better way to put a panicking, slightly embarrassed new caller at ease than by giving them a catchy new nickname.

Fortunately, Brad and Dan are experts and follow up their customary greeting of "G'day" with a perfectly in sync "Craigy". On second thoughts, the lads decide that this moniker doesn't quite cut it, it's just not quite right. They look up and without saying another word simultaneously opt for "Craigo". Much better.

With their pet fish, Amber and Nectar, lazily circling their tank in the background, Brad and Dan sit back and listen to Craigo's problem. The poor lad is in a quandary over whether to get a tattoo of his girlfriend's name and he's made this good call to ask their opinion.

It's funny when life's little problems pop into your head. For Craig, this mini crisis has happened to strike him while he's at a mate's garden party. Unable to continue with the idle chit-chat until he's resolved the issue, he's stepped away from the conversation for a moment to make what can only be a good call.

The first thing to establish is the name of Craig's girlfriend. The troubled caller gives his gives his girlfriend a little guilty wave as Dan tackles this task and asks what her name is, to which Craig replies proudly: "Trudy Holloway".

This induces a few laughs from the boys, which they have to hurriedly suppress. As the chuckles die down Dan slides open the top of the table that they're sitting around and we discover that what had at first appeared to be some kind of crate or wooden box is actually a fridge full of Fosters. He pulls one out, declares wisely that the problem with tattoos, or 'tuff stickers' as the lads call them, is "you can't exactly rub them off".

As he says this he turns to Brad and asks pointedly "Can you Bradley?" Sheepishly, Brad lifts his t-shirt up to reveal an Atomic Kitten tattoo, smack bang in the middle of his stomach; everyone makes mistakes and luckily we can all learn from Brad's.

Point made. So, how to solve the problem? Dan's on a roll and after thinking hard asks Craig: "Have you got a nickname for the lovely girl?" This could be the solution they've been looking for.

Craig doesn't really want to admit it but in order to get results you have to be straight talking and honest with these Aussie lads; "I sometimes call her Peanut" he responds quietly, looking slightly embarrassed.

Perfect. "Just get a tattoo that says 'I love Peanut'," exclaims Dan in a way which suggests that he is pointing out the obvious but not everyone could have thought of such a solution.

At this point, Dan is interrupted as he has to turn away to a lovely girl who has turned up, cricket bat in hand, wanting to play a game or two on the beach; "On the phone" he mouths, pointing to the speaker. Cricket and gorgeous women will have to wait; it's one of the downsides of being the World's greatest agony aunts.

"That way" Brad chips in, oblivious to the potential distraction, "If, heaven forbid, you and the lovely Trudy do split, you've just got a tattoo expressing your love for a delicious small salted nut."

"And we all love peanuts."

With the solution being so simple, Craig can't help but get excited, "I do love peanuts!" he shouts at the top of his voice. Clearly this isn't appropriate behaviour for an English garden party and a few people turn to look, but Craig isn't bothered as his problem has been solved.

And so with another dilemma safely sorted with a minimum amount of stress, all that's left for the two Aussies is to determine is whether to have some peanuts or not. Their appetites have clearly been triggered; whether by Craig's strange pet name for his girlfriend or by the amber nectar we will never know. All we do know is that Brad is most definitely in.